A Girl With A Blog

I am so thankful many of my friends take similar medications. That sounds weird but this is my deal. I have had an anxiety/panic disorder for years and it has become a totally normal thing to take Zoloft daily with a form of Xanax for out of the ordinary situations and talk about it openly. In high school, I had a small group of friends that were also taking similar drugs for anxiety or depression. In college, one of closest friends and I were on the exact same dosage and medication and it was wonderful.

Why wonderful? When you have to take something daily and lose track of how many pills you have left and forget to get a refill and then have to wait almost a week.. nothing is more relieving than walking across the hall. Rin was always there if I needed an extra and I was always there if she needed an extra. We would call it the Z, to sound cooler because the only drug deals we would ever be involved in are with prescribed drugs by the same doctor. Usually waiting a few days is no big deal but this week I went 5 1/2 days and it was the worst.

Technically, I was okay but emotionally, I was a crazy-nervous wreck. Without my Z-connection I was screwed. My first step was to do some deep stretching and breathing. This lead to a pulled muscle while stretching and watching Conan at the same time, ouch. The next night I decided to

search my room, all jeans I have ever warn, every bag/tote/backpack/laptop bag (insert word for purse cause I hate that word) I have ever used, every drawer, under my bed and inside my couch for the chance to find part of a pill. No luck whatsoever... just a disgustingly dirty room. 

Two days after that it occurred to me that I needed to put in my order for some more Zoloft. Wow, that makes a girl feel really together. In my defense I had other worries like dance competitions and birthday parties to organize. 

The next morning I started to take Xanax again but it made me feel super gross. I think once you have a bad experience with it, like I did in High School, it makes it really difficult to feel safe taking it. I felt much worse and re-searched my room including bags of laundry. All of this during a major hangover, following a 5:30 a.m. coaching gig and a migraine.

The last option I could think of while waiting was to look through my phone to see who put off an anxious vibe and could possible be stocked with the Z. Luckily, a great friend pulled through and had some left over from a brief period of anxiety... score! Eight hours later and I feel back to normal and tired from two long days of panic. Hopefully my refill will be in early this week and life will go back to ''normal.'' 

The moral of my story is that if you have anxiety you should always live within walking distance of another anxious person or set phone reminders to make you order ahead of time like a regular functioning adult. The latter seems so difficult, Rin, you and I are destined to live together forever.

At the City Conference there was a major disagreement in the judging. Our team included harder technique, more creative choreography concepts and better musicality in our routines. The other team had stronger uniformity, better practicality, consistent presence and more dancers on the floor. We placed second and were disappointed but the head coach and I instructed the team to gather their things from the room, get to the bus quickly, be polite to everyone and we will discuss it on the bus.

During every competition our team manager is the last one to leave the classroom we use while the coaches pick up the music and scoring sheets. We picked up the scoring sheets, met the girls on the bus, two had to run in for tights and came back, we left. The next morning there was an angry call from the other school that we trashed a classroom, temporarily damaged a computer and threatened both parents and dancers of the host school.

Since then we have dealt with the situation with our school but have had the hardest time recovering. Not only does it reflect really badly on the other coach and I but it makes the rest of our team look like out of control brats and perpetuates the bad reputation city schools often carry. We are better than this but you would never know it by they way they have acted. To top it off, there have been so many complaints from parents of both teams dancers.

There is only so much we can do to make sure these girls act the way they should. I wish they could do something other than write apologies to take accountability for this situation and make it easier for the girls that will be on the team for the next few years. The whole thing sucks and isn't fair. I can't wait for this season to be over, two weeks and counting until sections!

I think it's great to see my friends in happy relationships. It reduces those ''there are no good guys out there, guys are the worst, I'm so fat, I hate my life'' conversations on dreaded Girls' Night Out. However, I am totally opposed to girls who are attached at the hip with their boyfriend. 

Maybe it's because I have never been the type that needs to have a guy around. Even when I'm in a relationship, I don't want to spend every hour of every day with him. I don't like calling multiple times a day, a text works so much better. A weekend without him doesn't make me paranoid he's with someone else and I'm never going to call him in a panic because we haven't made plans for dinner. I have little understanding for my friends who are like this and lately it has been getting me in trouble.

My birthday was Friday and last minute two of my favorite people were going to be late because of previous engagements with their boyfriends. Yuck. I was going to get stuck at a bar by myself on my birthday waiting for someone to show up to celebrate with me and I was not having this. Not on my birthday. Not when I have 8 very loyal college friends who live all over the country and couldn't make it. Not on a day that made me super emotional and anxious that no one wanted to show up. And especially not after one of the pre-mentioned friends suggested I cancel?! Oh no, I was not going to let this happen!

I acted a little, okay a lot, passive aggressive towards these girls which I shouldn't have. Luckily, my cousins met me and saved the day. The friends showed with guys in tow and we all got over it, or at least I did. However I'm still stuck on the question, what makes girls choose boys over their friends? 

Almost just as annoying, is the inevitable frustration these friends feel about their relationship after ditching you for awhile. Either the guy wants some space and they equate this with ''It must be over, he doesn't want to be with me anymore'' or they feel guilty because they haven't seen their friends in a while and miss that connection. Then you have to sit there and reassure them that everything is going to be okay if they just chill the eff out. When you would rather catch up and change the subject.

Playing advice columnist/therapist has burned me out and it really hit its height on Friday. I hope this doesn't come off as insensitive but I'm so tired of having to walk people through their boyfriends' actions. More than that, I'd really appreciate it if these girls could leave their guys at home and grab a coffee without needing to dissect every little moment. 

When I express this it's like I suggested attending a pro-life rally. I get the ''you poor thing, you must be jealous'' look, quickly followed by a defensive statement, a back-handed compliment and an angry subject change. So for the future:

a. Honestly, I am not jealous of your relationship

b. I am confident and happy with myself regardless of relationship status 

c. Unless something really awful happened (like a break up or engagement) I do not care to hear about your boyfriend right away, there is more to life than boys.

Where are my other college grad, unemployed, single girls?

5. Kate Winslet and her genuine shock. So what if it′s overkill, she had me with -gather 

4. The director of The Wrestler flipping off Micky Rourke during his speech 

3. Rainn Wilson introducing himself as a television actor 

2. Slumdog Millionaire, this film deserves all of awards they have won 

1. Brad Pitt asking Angelina -What is this for? - during an award for Slumdog Millionaire.

Now fashion, has most of Hollywood lost their damn mind? Very few women stepped up and won big time on the Red Carpet and these are my favorites.

Is it Prom Season Already??

I have got to get my text-tendencies under control. Until then check out the nerd behind the stache. http://www.zshare.net/audio/53828711b80fed4e/