A Girl With A Blog

I am so thankful many of my friends take similar medications. That sounds weird but this is my deal. I have had an anxiety/panic disorder for years and it has become a totally normal thing to take Zoloft daily with a form of Xanax for out of the ordinary situations and talk about it openly. In high school, I had a small group of friends that were also taking similar drugs for anxiety or depression. In college, one of closest friends and I were on the exact same dosage and medication and it was wonderful.

Why wonderful? When you have to take something daily and lose track of how many pills you have left and forget to get a refill and then have to wait almost a week.. nothing is more relieving than walking across the hall. Rin was always there if I needed an extra and I was always there if she needed an extra. We would call it the Z, to sound cooler because the only drug deals we would ever be involved in are with prescribed drugs by the same doctor. Usually waiting a few days is no big deal but this week I went 5 1/2 days and it was the worst.

Technically, I was okay but emotionally, I was a crazy-nervous wreck. Without my Z-connection I was screwed. My first step was to do some deep stretching and breathing. This lead to a pulled muscle while stretching and watching Conan at the same time, ouch. The next night I decided to

search my room, all jeans I have ever warn, every bag/tote/backpack/laptop bag (insert word for purse cause I hate that word) I have ever used, every drawer, under my bed and inside my couch for the chance to find part of a pill. No luck whatsoever... just a disgustingly dirty room. 

Two days after that it occurred to me that I needed to put in my order for some more Zoloft. Wow, that makes a girl feel really together. In my defense I had other worries like dance competitions and birthday parties to organize. 

The next morning I started to take Xanax again but it made me feel super gross. I think once you have a bad experience with it, like I did in High School, it makes it really difficult to feel safe taking it. I felt much worse and re-searched my room including bags of laundry. All of this during a major hangover, following a 5:30 a.m. coaching gig and a migraine.

The last option I could think of while waiting was to look through my phone to see who put off an anxious vibe and could possible be stocked with the Z. Luckily, a great friend pulled through and had some left over from a brief period of anxiety... score! Eight hours later and I feel back to normal and tired from two long days of panic. Hopefully my refill will be in early this week and life will go back to ''normal.'' 

The moral of my story is that if you have anxiety you should always live within walking distance of another anxious person or set phone reminders to make you order ahead of time like a regular functioning adult. The latter seems so difficult, Rin, you and I are destined to live together forever.