I'm trying to figure out what I'm all about, because I feel like I've forgotten lately. I never wanted to be in the kind of relationship where you loose part of yourself but I did. I put others, even people I don't particularly care for, in front of myself. And whenever I try to do something for myself I have to justify it over and over in order to not feel horribly guilty. This
whole
break-up
has
been
one
huge
guilt
trip.
Sometimes I joke that I contracted Catholic Guilt By Default. My mom's side of the family is Catholic, super anxious, guilty-feeling, sleep deprived and caffeine addicted. I fit that description minus the whole Catholic thing.
So in the name of figuring out what this time alone is about I'll randomly list things and reflect over it after a while. Here are tonight's Likes and Dislikes, I think that's a good place to start.
Likes:
dance, Tori Amos, friends, Lauryn Hill, conversations, Postal Service, vegetarian food, Lupe Fiasco, choreography, Ani DiFranco, eclectic music, Jill Scott, political activism, Ivy, optimism, No Doubt, media, Common, good grammar, Regina Spektor, creative thinkers, Atmosphere, art, Blondie, journaling, Tegan & Sara, live music, Lisa Loeb, a night in with friends and a bottle of wine, John Legend, going new places, Liz Phair, cnn, Kanye West, pilates, Ingrid Michaelson, magazines, Snow Patrol, comedies, Jack Johnson, recycling things off the ground because i'll think about it if i don't, G Love, writing a perfect press release or bit of copy, Ben Lee, fashion, Mike Doughty, sarcasm, Ben Folds, people that make me want to learn more, Lily Allen, traveling even if i need to be drugged the entire flight, Madonna, going weeks without a panic attack, Corinne Bailey Rae, thinking about getting hired at my internship, Sia, coaching dance team, Mika, sharing coffee tea or any other beverage with people, Dan Wilson, quand je parle en francais et je comprends tout les mots, Oasis, catching up with the girls i called my roommates for 3 years, Tracy Bonham, liberals, Heiruspecs, wearing my glasses, Alanis Morisette, laughing, The Donnas, being challenged, The Shins, skateboarder-graffiti artist-dj boys, Kelly, watching foreign films, Carla Bruni, nickelodeon shows from the early 90s, MIA, the feeling after you catch up on your laundry, Bloc Party, new pairs of shoes, Feist, a good play, Rilo Kiley, going some place new, Dispatch, star gazing, Sufjan Stevens, volunteering, Anna Nalick, old photos, Fiona Apple, wild flowers, Incubus, feminism, well you get the idea ...
Dislikes:
republicans, close-mindedness, nascar fans, the jock-frat-boy persona, egocentrism, non-voters, racism, bad drivers, street violence, animal cruelty, misogyny, uninformed youth, country music, john deere apparel, hate crimes, young married people, disney princesses, stereotypical suburbia, conservative christians, math, physics, biology, president bush, birds, overly-violent movies, large dogs, extended periods of time around farm animals, cold people, linear editing, people who cheat in their relationships, rude people, impatient people, loud eaters, war, pretentiousness
